Hey, guys! And, might I add...Happy 2016 to all of you reading this!
This is the first entry of 2016, and it happens to be a New Archies Reviewed entry! How about that?
Actually, the timing of today's episode is good, because this episode happens to deal with change and confusion - two very common feelings that one might have at the turn of the brand new year. And while I'm not a fan of a story that involves doppelgangers, I have to say that there are a few segments of the ending that have some funny moments. Actually, this episode is probably one of the better ones, though definitely not one of my top ranked.
But I've rambled on enough. Time to review Episode 12B: Making of Mr. Righteous!
And, right off the bat, I'm thinking that the star of the show must be Jacob Two-Two (a character that was created by Mordecai Richler that said everything twice everything twice), because we hear someone saying the same things over and over again.
Turns out, it's just Eugene and his robotic lookalike. Oh, sure...why not? He's already invented a truth telling machine, an alien summoner, and a machine capable of swapping people's minds. Why not have a robot double?
To Eugene's credit though, the robot does look a lot like him. Obviously there are differences - the robot has pictures of tools on his sweater and has a mouth like a ventriloquist dummy - but only an idiot wouldn't be able to tell the two apart.
Oh, look...here comes Moose. And while Eugene has ducked out the back door of his home, Moose has come across Robo-Gene and thinks it's really Eugene. Of course, Eugene made sure to power off the robot before leaving, but Moose smacks it on the back and Robo-Gene comes back on, telling Moose that his shirt has a nasty chocolate stain on the front.
(I'm more concerned over the fact that Moose seems to be eating chocolate for breakfast, but what do I know?)
Oh, and Robo-Gene refuses to leave the house until Moose cleans his nasty self up. Wow, who died and made you Queen of England, Robo-Gene? Sheesh!
Outside of Archie's house, Archie is playing a friendly game of Frisbee with his dog Red, and Eugene comes across Red who greets him very warmly.
See, Red knows who his friends are.
And as Eugene throws the frisbee for Red to catch, Archie decides that he will walk with Eugene to school, which means that the game is over for Red.
So, imagine Red's confusion when he sees Moose and Robo-Gene walking by Archie's house. Red is obviously more intelligent than Moose is and instantly recognizes Robo-Gene as an imposter, but Moose sees nothing strange about it and carries on.
Fairly sad when a dog is smarter than most of the humans on the show.
Introducing the B-plot. Mr. Weatherbee has been eating way too much junk food lately and an unseen voice is telling him that he needs to stay on his diet. And already he's breaking his vow to diet by sneaking a Mr. Goodbar! For shame, Mr. Weatherbee!
I mean, even Robo-Gene comments that for Mr. Weatherbee going on a diet, it wasn't a day too soon! WHAT? Wow, this robot is even sassier than Veronica! I guess it's a good thing Veronica doesn't appear in this episode because that would be too much sass for eleven and a half minutes!
Fortunately, Moose gets Robo-Gene to shut up by holding his hands over his mouth - which I would think would give up the fact that he's a robot because metal is COLD, but since this show depicts Moose as a 30-year-old who has flunked seventh grade eighteen times, I guess we can kind of overlook it.
Besides, Mr. Weatherbee is more concerned that he's seeing double, as Archie and Eugene pass by his office seconds after Moose and Robo-Gene leave. Watch closely through this episode, and you will see Mr. Weatherbee slide further into insanity frame by frame. It's like "The Shining", only he doesn't smash a door with an axe.
It's lunchtime, and Moose has apparently milked a cow before sitting down. Seriously, how much milk does he have with him! Of course, Robo-Gene has no food with him because they don't serve oil and WD40 at the cafeteria...at least not that we know of anyway.
Jughead comes up to Moose and Robo-Gene's table and asks them if he can borrow five bucks because he's a jobless broke loser who has already sponged off Archie, Betty, Veronica, MS. Grundy, Pop Tate, and that girl that Moose killed in "Goodbye, MS. Grundy". Robo-Gene uses his steel cojones to tell Jughead "screw you" in Eugene language, which makes me wonder if Eugene used parts from the truth-telling machine he invented to create Robo-Gene.
Moose suggests that Jughead try to hit up Big Ethel for some money since Ethel has had a crush on Jughead forever and would literally give Jughead all the money in the world for just one kiss. But Jughead claims that not even he is that desperate. Remember this for later, kids.
Meanwhile, Betty is trying to cram an entire encyclopedia set inside her tiny locker, and she accidentally tears her brand new pink sweater that we'll never see again after this episode. But despite her fashion faux pas, Eugene compliments her on such a wonderful oversized sweater from the Olivia Newton-John clothing line, and Betty seems to take the compliment in stride. For now.
Back outside, Moose is eating a sandwich that is the SIZE OF AN EXTRA LARGE PIZZA, and he feels that Robo-Gene is looking a little bit skinny - especially since Robo-Gene announces that he wants to try out for the track team like Moose. So, Moose throws one of his gigantic sandwiches in front of him. Forget the Whopper from Burger King...this is a Colossus!
Betty walks by and is at first stunned to see Robo-Gene, because apparently Betty had Stupid Smacks for breakfast this morning and can't tell the two apart. This is problematic given that Robo-Gene contradicts everything Eugene said about Betty's sweater, claiming that she looks like a
prostitute person who can't choose colours correctly. Cue the angry blonde woman storming off in a
As if Robo-Eugene can't sink any lower, he gives a passing MS. Grundy the giant sandwich and more or less tells her that she's an anorexic twig who has hair from the 14th century - though not in those words.
Woe befall the human...or robot...who insults MS. Grundy and tells her that Stacy and Clinton from "What Not To Wear" are waiting for her. For you see, this means that Robo-Gene has detention after school, banning him from going to the tryouts. But Robo-Gene tells Moose that he'll be there. What a defiant bucket of bolts Robo-Gene is.
(Can we keep him? Please?)
Oh, and Mr. Weatherbee is ever so slowly losing his mind. It's quite disturbing to see...in a totally hilarious way.
Robo-Gene's next victim is Amani, who I believe makes her final appearance in this series. And a shame that in her final episode, Robo-Gene is so smarmy and sarcastic that he makes Andrew Dice Clay look like Mahatma Gandhi in comparison. Amani basically tells Robo-Gene to meet her at Pop's after school so he can help her with her homework, and this causes Robo-Gene to temporarily short out. Don't worry though. He'll be back to his old self soon enough.
The real Eugene bumps into Moose who reminds Eugene of the track tryouts. But of course, Eugene knows nothing of what his robot twin has done, and tells Moose that he will not be going.
Imagine an already confused Moose getting even more confused when Robo-Gene is dressed up in a track outfit (wait, the robot can dress itself? What the hell?), and insults Moose on top of that! I tell you, Robo-Gene is on fire...and so is Moose, judging by how angry he looks!
Soon after, Moose and Robo-Gene run into Big Ethel and Jughead, and while Ethel is happy that Jughead wants to spend time with her, Robo-Gene comments that Jughead's desperation levels are at an all time high.
I get the impression that Ethel thinks this doesn't fly with her...and that Jughead is wanting a suit of armor.
And after seeing two Eugenes once more, Weatherbee looks like he wants to buy every Krispy Kreme donut in the world to eat...poor guy's cracking up!
Poor Eugene seems just as confused as Mr. Weatherbee. First, Betty gives him the evil eye...or maybe a voodoo curse given the lightning bolts coming out of her head.
Then Jughead - with a fresh shiner - growls at him.
Then MS. Grundy yanks him into detention where Reggie apparently has an issue with Eugene as well, but nowhere do we find out what it is. I'm thinking this episode must have been edited, because I can't remember.
No wonder Eugene wants to break down and cry!
I'm sure that Moose wants to do the same thing when Robo-Gene comes to the track and field tryouts and sees that Robo-Gene has broken his record in the discus throw. Why, it's enough to make a grown man take off his shirt and mope.
And yet, that's what our thirty-year-old Moose does. Seriously, does anyone know any twelve year old that looks like that? I don't!
But wait...I just thought of something. If Eugene is serving Robo-Gene's detention...and Robo-Gene is humiliating Moose at the track and field tryouts...then who is supposed to be meeting Amani at Pop's?
Nobody apparently, because girl is downright pissed at Eugene. She practically breaks up with him and throws a ketchup and salt sandwich in his face, telling him how much of a jerk he is for standing her up, with Eugene giving Amani a "who the hell are you" look. Seriously, Robo-Gene is making Eugene's life a living hell, and Eugene is like..."why does everyone hate me now"?
Well, if Eugene can take some comfort in anything, it's that Robo-Gene is destroying Mr. Weatherbee's life too. And seeing both real Eugene and Robo-Gene at Pop's makes him have a nervous breakdown.
Normally, I'd be concerned, but this is the most screentime that Weatherbee has ever had in an episode. Apparently crazy Weatherbee is better than no Weatherbee.
A dejected Eugene goes home, thinking that life might be better if he was really Dilton Doiley but then he realizes that his doppelganger is not around, and suddenly the wheels in his head begin to spin.
And at Pop's the gang all realize that maybe something is wrong with Eugene because he hasn't been acting like himself at all (you think?). Archie comes up with the idea to find him, and the gang all cheer. Well, that could mean that they will talk to him to find out what is wrong, or they will kill him. Given that this is a children's cartoon, I think I know the choice they make.
But then maybe I'm not so sure because Mr. Weatherbee is on a dock preparing to jump in. Ummmm...WHAT? They wouldn't dare show a suicide attempt on this show, would they?
No, instead they have Robo-Gene come up to Weatherbee who is so frightened that he accidentally falls into the sea! And of course, Weatherbee can't swim.
But this is where things really get interesting. As the rest of the gang arrive at the dock, they witness Robo-Gene jumping into the water to save Mr. Weatherbee's life! Wow, waterproof too! Eugene thought of everything!
Fortunately, Robo-Gene rescues Weatherbee...unfortunately, Weatherbee sees Robo-Gene and passes out in fear.
Hold on to your hats, this is where things get really screwed up.
Moose, obviously still upset with Eugene, shakes Robo-Gene so hard that his head flies off. Moose cries that he has killed his best friend.
Archie holds up Robo-Gene's head, and Moose is upset that his best friend is a robot. I swear, Moose is the Chrissy Snow of "The New Archies". Seriously, Archie even gives off a "what the hell did you just say" look to Moose. Mr. Weatherbee sees Archie holding Robo-Gene's head and screams. Then when Mr. Weatherbee sees Eugene running towards them, he panics and starts to back up...
...sending everyone into the water.
Headless Robo-Gene taps Weatherbee's shoulder, and Weatherbee passes out again. Funny thing is, this is Weatherbee's last appearance. Maybe he spent episode thirteen in a mental asylum getting over his fear of Eugene.
Of course, Eugene thinks this is the funniest thing ever, and he's like...I can't believe you guys are so stupid that you thought that robot was me!
But, of course, headless Robo-Gene shoves real Eugene into the water.
And everyone laughs at him...and rightly so because HE CAUSED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!
So, that wraps up episode twelve. I like this episode a lot better than the one with Archie and the prince, and there were some laugh out loud moments. I have to admit that at times I liked Robo-Gene because he was the only character who had the strength to let everyone know what he thought, no matter how controversial. Rumour has it that the computer chips that made up Robo-Gene's personality were implanted inside Donald Trump sometime around 2004. But that's just a rumour.