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Wednesday, April 08, 2015

Too Shy Shy Hush Hush Eye To Eye Too Shy Shy Hush Hush

April 8, 2015

I'm a big fan of 1980's music.  If a song comes on the radio and was released between 1979 and 1990, chances are I'm probably going to love it.

I mean, I may be one of the only ones who may feel this way, but some of the music of the eighties was fun, original (in most cases) and creative.  And, with MTV actually showing music videos during this time period, we ended up seeing a lot of fun music videos. 

Like this 1980 hit from the Pointer Sisters:

Or, this 1983 song from Bananarama:

Also from 1983, we have this Kajagoogoo ditty:

You may also notice that all three of these music clips have some sort of connection with each other.  And, no, it's not one of those 6 Degrees Of Separation thingies where Ruth Pointer and Siobhan Fahey shared a hairdresser and Keren Woodward once had an affair with Limahl.  It's much simpler than that.

Heck, I even quoted Kajagoogoo lyrics in the blog title.

The theme is...shy guys.

No...Not quite.

It is true that I'm a shy guy.  But, not in the way you might think.

Granted, considering that I have kept up a blog for nearly four years now, some of you may be surprised by that face.  But online, I'm a bit more open than I am in the real world.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not THAT open.  I don't hand out my social insurance number, my debit card PIN number, my cell phone number, my address, or what my underwear preference is, because frankly, it's none of your business.  But, I have talked a lot about things that have been on my chest that needed to get out.  The abuse I suffered in school.  The constant struggles with self-worth.  Things like that.

But, that's in the world according to A POP CULTURE ADDICT'S GUIDE TO LIFE.  In the real know, the one filled with actual people and places and things and anything else that can possibly appear on a Wheel of Fortune puzzle board?  I'm someone completely different.

Here I can pretty much engage in conversation with just about anybody and not have the fear of getting rejected or laughed at or ridiculed by others (and if I do, I can just block 'em).  I'm not that confident elsewhere.  I'm getting better at it though, but it's always been a struggle.

But, not in the way you might think.

I've always had a problem with face to face meetings.  Trying to find the right words to say to carry on conversations in face-to-face settings has always been a challenge.  Writing a blog has always been easier for me because I have a bit of time to accurately choose my words, and think about what I'm saying.  As a result, I am able to function as a literate adult provided the world I am in is one that favours writing as opposed to speaking.

Putting that into practice talking with hard.  Especially if it's someone that I don't know.

If I'm, say, chatting with a family member, close friend, or co-worker, I find it quite easy, because they know how I roll most days.  But, you get me in a situation where I'm meeting someone I've never met before, I clam up.

Well, okay, maybe I don't clam up, but I tend to stutter.  I repeat words.  For all I know, what comes out of my mouth is pure gibberish because I'm thinking so hard about trying not to say the wrong thing that I end up exactly saying the wrong thing.  I can pretty much guarantee you that I lost out on a couple of job opportunities because I completely flubbed the job interview to the point of no return.  It certainly made me wish that all job interviews were conducted through e-mail, discussion forums or passenger pigeon notes, but realistically, that's not meant to be.

Ideally, I know what the problem is.  It's my overall reluctance to involve myself in social situations because of a fear of well...rejection, or getting laughed at, or being totally ignored.  I've been in many situations where I've been invited to parties or dances, and I've been the guy who basically leaves two hours before everyone else, because it's really awkward being there.  I'm sure all of you can relate to being the wallflower of a party...well...years ago, I was exactly that.  And, because of my tendency to be shy, I pretty much shunned social events to the point that I was likely about two or three stages away from becoming a total hermit crab (a.k.a. an isolated grouchy person).

At least I recognize the problem and I do want to take steps to try and not be so shy around people.  I'm at the point now where I am just as deserving of a rich, fulfilling social life as anybody else in this world, and I'm at the point where I want people in the real world to experience the person that I know I am. 

Then maybe I won't be so much the shy boy.

Anything's possible if you believe in yourself enough, right?  Maybe it's time I try believing in myself more.

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