I think that this is a year in which everything is going to become crystal clear, so to speak. At least, I'm staying positive that 2015 will be the year that answers a lot of unanswered questions.
Because I have already decided that 2015 will be the year of positive thinking!
For instance, I am positive that 2015 will be a better year than the murky, sludgy, disgusting mess that was 2014.
You know how when we were kids, we used to have snow days that prevented us from doing much of anything? As kids, we all loved them because they prevented all of us from going to school. But if you look beyond the superficial reason behind why we wished for snow days as a kid, you'll notice that the skies are dark, the air is cold, and the ground is so slippery that you can't figure out how to walk in a straight line.
I consider 2014 to be an entire year of snow days. Not necessarily saying that I was completely depressed and miserable during the whole year. I did have some great moments last year. I'm saying that in 2014, I had pretty much a year of stagnation and uncertainty where I questioned basically everything that I was doing, and focusing too much on negative things instead of positive ones. And admittedly, that lead to some really frustrating days.
2014 wasn't the worst year that I ever went through, but it certainly wasn't the best.
And a lot of that comes from the fact that I had a hard time staying positive when it seemed like everything and everyone around me was negative.
I have never exactly been the kind of person who would stand up for myself. I guess in some ways, I could be considered a people pleaser of sorts. I would try to do everything possible to be everybody's buddy, even if I wasn't treated with the same respect back. It turned out to be a lousy way to be, especially when I was younger, but I had assumed that once I hit adulthood, those days would long be past, and I would finally have the freedom to be who I wanted to be without any judgment.
Of course, in 2014, this wasn't the case. In fact, 2014 was probably one of those years that started off with me being completely beat down by people who I never expected to be beat down by.
These people included neighbours, social media contacts, customers, co-workers, and other people who I dealt with on a daily basis.
Now, of course, there's nothing that I could do about the customers that were...shall I say...less than pleasant. Not that I would want to anyway. After dealing with them, I usually didn't see them again for another six to eight weeks. Besides, anything they do makes them look foolish. Not me.
But I really had a bit of a learning experience when it comes to dealing with people this past year. And one thing I noticed was that part of the reason why I was feeling so down about myself was because I was always hanging around people who were Debbie and Derrick Downers. People who lived only to complain, complain, complain. Whether it was lunchroom gossip about other people at work, or whether it was people making fun of other people on social media, or whether it was instances in which people who I thought were good friends turned out to be wolves in lamb suits.
(Yeah, yeah...I know sheep's clothing is the proper term...but since when do sheep wear clothes? Never did understand that expression.)
This past year, I had to go through a lot of negativity which in turn caused me to be rather negative myself. And, believe me, I hate feeling that way.
Even on days in which I was feeling on a high and wanted to share that with people, I had people always knocking me down. They would criticize everything I did, or they would purposely make comments to me that sent my happy thoughts crashing down around me. And, you know, for a while, I decided that I would take it as constructive criticism. I had made a pledge to myself that I would not end any friendships with anybody no matter what the circumstances were because I knew how it felt to be rejected, and I didn't want anyone to feel this way.
There's just one problem with that. If you allow toxic people into your life, and allow their words of negativity to fester inside of you, it not only destroys your self-confidence and personality to the point where you lose yourself. It actually impedes your ability to make new friendships and experience new opportunities with new people.
And that is one hassle that nobody needs.
So that is why before 2014 ended, I made a commitment to reverse my previous feelings about friendship. No longer was I going to tolerate friendships that were one-sided, damaging, or toxic. I cut myself away from gossipy co-workers who only spread rumours about others to make themselves feel better. I unfriended about fifty people from my Facebook page on "National Unfriend Day" to remove the negativity there. Truth be told, some of them had it coming for a long time now, and since I've gotten rid of them, I have found that social media is a lot more fun!
Most importantly, I'm beginning to figure things out a lot more, and I am coming to the conclusion that at the beginning of a new year, things are going to be okay. I have positive people in my life who will offer constructive criticism when they need to, but who will also support me no matter what I do. I have decided to spend more time socializing with people in the real world rather than the online world (though I do have a lot of love for the few online contacts I have kept). And, I have a clearer view of what my goals in life really are.
I just have to stay positive. Positive thinking wins every time.